hey guys.. how's life? sorry for not posting.. im kinda busy though.. lolx... teacher chose me to be a tour guide for parents during sku open hse.. so have to memorise all de cca achievements and history... lolx.. im not even sure how to sing sku song.. how am i suppose to do tis?! lolx... today went to choose subject combination for streaming.. dunno how to choose frm 8PC and 8BC... in de end chose physics and chem.. sigh.. i want bio!!!!! lolx.. leting force me de... lolx.. gonna be sec3 liao.. can bully sec1 and 2... lolx.. den not always kena booking by councillors for bending sku rules liao... lolx... sec1 and 2 dun dare de... lolx...
P.S i WANT biology!!!!!!!!

thinking about what my sis said to me... " you are avoiding love... you can avoid for once but not forever... its diff to get out of the love ring..." but i just wanna live my normal life, what other kids are enjoying now.. its been a yr since i entered it and i really wana get out... its a burden... ive thought it thru but i jus think that its not worth my life... i hate love... love sucks... arrgh....

sometimes, i wonder why do sun set? i hate it.. it always reminds me that another day has end... left one week in school... i miss all my friends.... esp. leting.. i mean i disappointed her... sec 1 we were best of friends then sec 2 we were ok in the beginning... till relationship things start cuming in and we kinda "broke up"... only till now, i realise how impt she is in my life... hope that next year can be in same class as her... yeah..

hey guys.... anyway, yeah.. its the end of de year, my results sucks, my life sucks, i broke up and everything.. yeah.. just like that nothing much to say actually... *shrug* ther's nothing i can do right? i mean i've changed, not talking to boys and everything but it jus didn seem to be satisfied.. i dunno.. i've given my best already... no plans for the future... only lost and everything.. dunno what to do anymore.. life's sickening...

hey guys.. anyway, yeah.. its the end of de year, my results sucks, my life sucks, i broke up and everything.. yeah.. just like that nothing much to say actually... *shrug* ther's nothing i can do right? i mean i've changed, not talking to boys and everything but it jus didn seem to be satisfied.. i dunno.. i've given my best already... no plans for the future... only lost and everything.. dunno what to do anymore.. life's sickening...

It's a rainy day,
And thats what i say.
I have a big heart,
But its very dark.
I sit on my bed,
Wishing i was dead.
Everyone dies,
This iz true and,
Its not a lie.
I wish i had someone,
A friend or a boy anyone.
But i'm alone,
In this world all on my own.....

I handed you my heart,
You gave it back in pieces.
You took my life,
And now I take yours
You lied,
You hurt
Your time as come
Now your blood is on the floor
Not mine
Now, as the blood pours out on the floor,
I look at what I've done.
I think of how you hurt me,
Now it's my turn.
Now I sit in a corner
Knife in one hand
Looking at the scars
You may be gone,
But memories are forever
The pain will never stop
You will always live in me
You've done your job
You've scarred me for life
Are you happy now?
You're still here
All my problems
I blame you
My happiness is gone forever
It will never come back
Now I basically sit here to rot
Nothing to live for,
Yet nothing to die for.
I still think it's all your fault
You dug the knife into my skin
Your hand made these scars
All the little white lies
I don't believe
I'll ever be alright
I'll never be okay

As I lay in my bed
with all of lifes thoughts running through my head
I have to ask myself why?
You just pushed me away..........
and left me to die.
You turned my life into hell
though no one can tell
what I really felt through all of these years
and all the times I cried those silent tears.
I need to forget
but never forgive
the people who burned the memories inside of my head.
As I cry my tears of red
when Im lying on my bed.
All of this and more I think
As I cry myself to sleep.

I'm supposed to be happy..
through my fake smile?
To get here two years..
it took awhile...
I lead this life with grief..
always wanting to cry..
Always wondering to myself...
would I be better off if I would die?
I'm not weak I fought this life..
took a long while I'm still fighting..
It struck me down so fast..
just like a storm of lightning...
I remember my past...
I miss it with all my heart and soul..
Even now the truth..
---- No.. It's still not told..
I keep hiding through my days..
the days were I don't want to wake..
To much for me in this life..
there's so much at stake..
I cut before do I cut now?..
What does it matter to you..You don't know the strife...
or the pain I go through...
Don't judge me or my life...
walk in my shoes first..Feel this heart race...
this depressions thirst...
Feel this guilt I have...
for ever being born in this life..Feel this stress of mine..
because I never do anything right..
My life underneath the world...
hidden by the unfaithful lies..Hidden from the people in my life...
hidden from the blackened sky's..
The person they call me...
is that of unknown..My life ahead the truth...
it still wont be shown..

i lie on my bed, thinking what went wrong... with everything gone... but i guess life's like that.. i try to be independant by myself, but all i did was fell... fell on hard on the ground. i cant help myself, its hopeless... and everyday, i prayed for someone to save me.. from the high cliff i fell straight down, and till now, im still falling... what's gone wrong? i didn do anything so why is everybody blaming me? pressurizing me? its the price i pay.. and im paying it so why carn you all jus let me rest in peace? my soul is missing, i cant seem to find a trace in life... all i wanted is to love somebdy and to have somebody to love me.. its difficult i guess esp when everyone turn thier back on you and mock at your stupidity in believing there's hope and love in this devastated world.... and it hurts...

what has become of me? i dunno... every night i dream of things, different people... and when i wake up everythime, i can still remember my dreams clearly... even dreams that are months before.... i don wanna remember it... som r jux so heart broken.. i wanna stop this... its getting me insane..... things that i cant control anymore... who am i? im not well now... fever since ytd.... feel like puking everytime.... i carn stand it... wif pressure all around me and my broken heart jus carn work anymore... sumone help me please....

exams r only ending next week... den i will be able to learn guitar and piano.... *the more u r like that, the more i get depressed..* i dunno now.. and im trying to be strong. i wont fall... and im trying... and now its like wads de hell problem wif guys??? said i saboed him... yeah like real... why would i do that huh>? funny that when hes angry he always scold me... and i dun wanna care liao... wadever..

yoz... im fine now... tried not to think of him too much.. he doesn deserve me anyway.. so wads de point? its his loss not wanting me anyway... haha.. kao.. today history and english test... i don even understand wad the compre toking bout lorr... wa.. sure die laio... hmm... but anyway for history, its still ok... haha.. luckily didn learn frm dat lee jiexian, always call mi read on de seperation of singapore from malaysia... haha.. i focused on de merger den the essay qn came out as merger.... hee... so lucky... during the test i was looking at my friend beside me. den she write alot of pages lorr... scared me to death... i tot i write so little... den make me until so anxious , purposely squeeze sumthing out to write in de source based qns... den now my hand like breaking liao... haha...

sunday night landed in hospital... but the pain in my heart is hurting more.... but luckily i didn die frm it... anyway.. im jus sad and everything and its like nobody wanna care bout me liao... russell,winston,benjamin... i dunno... guess i have no one else anymore... *sobx..

heyy... im so sianz.. my exams cuming but haven study yet... have to work on it liao... dotz... anyway... carn talk much... sigh.. i think im turning into lesbian due to depression.. haha...